Reforming the Rock Star Read online

  “I’ll go back to my normal life and live for my work.”

  Callie’s eyebrows were still halfway to her hairline, but she said nothing.

  She didn’t have to. They both knew how sad that sounded. Funny, a week ago it hadn’t. But now? Maybe she could go back to her normal life, and she would definitely keep saving for her dreams, but there was no way she’d be stepping into the same stream twice after seeing Laz. Something had changed immeasurably. She was better than that. She deserved to be loved.

  And Laz had been the one to show her that. At least she wouldn’t be leaving empty-handed. “I still have to go. I can’t see him, Callie. Not now. I’m not thinking straight, and I can’t be held accountable for the things I do when I’m with him. I need some breathing room to think. This was all such a whirlwind. And who knows? He might wake up tomorrow and realize this was just a holiday fling and be grateful that I let him off the hook.”

  Her friend surveyed her through her long, dark lashes. “Are you sure that’s what you want?” Callie didn’t look hurt or even annoyed, the way Syd had expected. Her friend hadn’t asked about the food or any of the plans Syd would be ruining by leaving. That warmed her heart and broke it at the same time.

  “I don’t know what else there is to do.”

  “Get a good night’s sleep. Stay for one more day. You don’t have to see him. Just spend the day with me and Jake. It’ll be fun.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Please. For me. If you need to leave tomorrow night, I’ll understand.” The sincerity of her words won Sydney over, even if the thought of running into Laz in the middle of a party was enough to have her stomach lurching. She could get through one day with her best friend. One more day in podunk Montana.

  But the rest of her lifetime with Laz’s photos splashed across magazines and knowing she’d never be able to have him?

  That might be more than her heart could handle.

  …

  After leaving Syd’s room, Laz beelined for his own, if only to make sure Elyse hadn’t come back. She had, but it was only to leave a note. Without so much as glancing at it, he pulled out a lighter and torched the thing.

  It was the least drastic thing he could think to do.

  There was no way he could talk himself out of this one—there were no cameras to prove he’d been asleep, and Elyse sure as hell wouldn’t tell Sydney he wasn’t interested in cheating. There was nothing to be done but to accept the fact that Sydney was gone.

  The most perfect, charming, astonishing women he’d ever known was fucking gone.

  Fuck that.

  He stood outside of his bedroom, trying to decide where to turn. Rocky had been even more quiet than usual since Lita had arrived that morning, and he and Dash still weren’t tight enough to merit a middle-of-the-night talk.

  Jake was the only one he could go to, even if it sucked to bug him a few days before his wedding.

  He strode down the hall and knocked once before Jake answered.

  “Hey.” His friend yawned, flicked on a light, and ushered him inside. “What’s up?”

  Their bedroom was larger than the others—complete with an attached sitting room all decked out in furniture he might have lifted from his grandmother’s house. Comfy, but god-awful on the eyes.

  “Where’s Callie?” Laz asked, parking himself on the tropical forest fabric of the love seat.

  “Who can say? She roams the halls half the nights looking for inspiration for her new shoes.” He shook his head, but smiled all the while. “She’s an odd one, my girl. Anyway, I’m sure that’s not why you’re knocking on my door at two in the morning.”

  “No, it’s not.” He paused, trying to decide what to say, but failing. What exactly could Jake tell him that he didn’t already know? There was nothing to be done about Sydney. Her mind was made up. Just the way the Bridget’s had been.

  “Lady troubles?” His friend raised his brows, and Laz choked.

  “How did you—”

  “I’m a psychic. And because why else would you be at my door at this time of night? But it’s mostly the psychic part.”

  “Things got fucked-up with Syd.” No point in beating around the bush. Worry stabbed at him. Misunderstanding or no, it still hurt to know she was wounded somewhere and there was nothing he could do to help.”

  As he relayed the story, he was watched his buddy’s face to see if it was as bad as he thought. His suspicions were confirmed when, by the end, his jaw was practically grazing the carpet.

  “I tried to explain it, but I don’t think she believed me,” Laz finished.

  “Well, no woman in her right mind would. That’s the wildest thing I’ve ever heard. Callie may be able to explain about Elyse. Could be that this might all blow over?”

  He scrubbed a hand over his face and shrugged. “Even if it could, what does that leave me? This is how it starts, and this is what she carries with her going forward. This lifestyle is tough to bear even without starting off on the wrong foot. And even if we did try to make it work, she’s in Montana and I’m in LA. And even then, if we were in the same state, I’d always be traveling and she’d be wondering what was really going on. It’s the tip of an iceberg, man. Maybe she’s right. Maybe she could never be happy with me.” The last words poured out before he’d considered them, and his heart turned over.

  He hated to admit it, but it couldn’t be denied.

  With him, she would never be happy, even if he gave her all the things she could ever want. She’d have her business and her friends, but she wouldn’t have him completely.

  And she was a woman who deserved to be cherished entirely. Every second of every day.

  “So why are you conflicted? It sounds like your mind is made up. You care about her, so you set her free.” His friend leaned back on the couch and crossed one leg over the other.

  “I don’t want to.”

  “You don’t want to care about her, or you don’t want to set her free?”

  He considered his friend’s words. If someone had asked him a month ago whether it was possible to love someone he’d just met, he wouldn’t have thought twice before he said no. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

  In the span of less than a week, Sydney had become a fixture in his mind. It was different from the slow burn of his lengthy relationship with Bridget. It was different from the infatuation he’d occasionally felt since. It was more intense than both, and stronger. Thoughts of her consumed him, and as he considered his life on the road with all his friends, he felt only loneliness at the thought of being without her.

  “I don’t want to lose her,” he said at last.

  “Then it sounds like you have a decision to make. But before you do, you need to know that Sydney isn’t Bridget. She’s stronger than that. Bridget relied on you for all your life. Sydney is used to taking care of herself. With or without you, she’s going to survive. She’s survived far worse than you. The real question is if you’re going to be able to get along without her?”

  “Why can’t I have both?”

  “Maybe you can. But when you love somebody, you have to work together to make things good. Do you love her?”

  “I do.” After what had happened with Bridget, he thought it would have been hard to give his heart to someone again. But it wasn’t.

  Loving Sydney was as easy as breathing, and it was the one thing that explained why the whole world ceased to exist when she entered a room.

  He loved her.

  “And I’m betting she loves you, too,” Jake said. “So you should tell her before it’s too late.”

  “I still don’t know how to make it work.”

  “I don’t think anyone does, man. Alls I know is that you want to try. And if you need to make a tough decision,” Jake paused for a long minute and let out a deep breath. “If you need to leave, we’ll understand.”

  There had to be an easier way. The choice couldn’t be between touring and Syd.

  But if it was, he knew his answ
er. And the scariest part was that he wasn’t scared of that at all.

  Their conversation was cut short as Callie snuck into the room, making sure to close the door as quietly as possible. When she turned, she jumped at finding the two men in her sitting room.

  “Hey there, Callie girl,” Jake said.

  “What the hell are you two doing up?” she asked, shooting him a guilty glance.

  “Same thing you were doing, I think,” Jake said.

  “Is Syd in her room? Did she leave?” Laz asked with more urgency than he would have liked to show.

  Callie stared at him, then leaned her thin frame against the doorjamb. “I think it’s best that you don’t say anything to her tonight. I did stop on the way back to tell Elyse to get her shit and go, though. I hope that’s okay, Jake. I know you don’t like to burn bridges, but enough is enough with her.”

  Her fiancé nodded, and she stepped away from the door, then made her way to the adjoining room.

  “Do you know what she’s doing tomorrow?” Laz stood and called after her.

  “Not yet.” Callie sat on the bed and shook her head at him. “I can’t really get involved beyond that, Laz. Syd is my primary concern, and I have to do whatever she asks me to. You’re on your own here.”

  “It’s okay. And thanks for your time, guys. I appreciate it.” He made for the door, but Jake stopped him as he turned the knob.

  “She’s overwhelmed right now,” Callie added. “She needs time to process. Just be patient.”

  “And don’t fuck it up,” Jake added.

  From his lips to God’s ears. Laz left the room resolved in his decision. He’d fucked up a lot of important things in his life. A few gigs, some friendships, one relationship.

  But nothing had ever been more imperative than this, and he’d be damned if anything would come between Sydney and him before they even got started. They were both good people and deserved a chance at happiness.

  No matter how much it cost him, he’d wait it out.

  She was worth it.

  Chapter Fourteen

  It had been two days, and there had been no sign of Laz.

  And that was a good thing, she reminded herself.

  In fact, not running into him was exactly why she’d stayed this long. But even thinking about him made her heart sink to the bottom of her stomach. Every time she left her room to go to work or attend yet another wedding party, her heart skipped as she wonderedif she’d run into him in the halls or if their eyes would meet across a crowded room.

  Whether the feeling was more due to dread or foolish hope was anybody’s guess.

  Today was no different. Walking down to the kitchens to prep for a bridal luncheon, she ran over in her head what she’d say to him if she saw him in the foyer. Or if he was waiting for her in the kitchen. She couldn’t still be mad about the other night. With the spectacle Elyse had made when they’d thrown her out the following morning, she no longer had any cause to doubt that he’d been telling the truth. But she was only the symptom of a disease that would eat away at her. Better to cut it off now than let the infection spread. Or so she reminded herself.

  Every second of every day.

  She took a deep breath and rounded the corner. She had to clear her mind of thoughts of him. And memories.

  And fantasies.

  It’s all over, Sydney. It’s done.

  She repeated the mantra over and over, but it fractured the second she heard his name.

  Rocky was standing in the foyer, phone in hand, and though his words were quietly spoken, they carried in the empty space. She paused for a minute to hear what was being said. Not to spy or anything. It was just curiosity. Like anyone would have.

  “…with an EP releasing in a few months. It’s bullshit. It’s just like Dash all over again. Laz is deserting us without a replacement. How the—” He stopped speaking when the other person had apparently cut him off, and she was quick to start moving again before he noticed her behind the banister. As she passed, she gave a quick wave, and he nodded.

  It was the most she’d ever heard Rocky speak, which was stunning in and of itself. Still, the content of what he’d said was far more intriguing from where she stood.

  Laz was quitting The Rift?

  It didn’t make sense.

  He’d never mentioned being unhappy with the group…

  She went into the kitchens and followed the motions of prepping for the party, slicing vegetables and brining meat, but no matter what she did, she couldn’t seem to focus.

  Rocky must have been mistaken. The band was everything to Laz. She’d felt it with every caress of his calloused fingertips, in the way his face lit up when he talked about the music.

  “Syd? Syd, that’s burning.” Paula shook her to attention and Syd pulled the skillet from the fire. The charred remains of what she’d been cooking brought a whole new meaning to blackened swordfish.

  “Sorry,” she mumbled.

  “Do you need to go back to your room for a little while? I think the stress of the wedding is getting to you.”

  “No, no. I’m fine.”

  Paula dumped the remains of the pan and began scrubbing it in the sink. “I have to disagree. You’ve been zoned for the past three days. You’ve barely eaten. You haven’t slept. You look a damn mess.”

  “Well that’s hardly outside of the ordinary.” She tried to laugh, but the young woman’s expression remained even. Almost sympathetic.

  “I’m serious. You need to get yourself together. Go back to bed.” She dried the skillet and placed it back on the stove to heat, then came over and wrapped her in a hug. “Remember the plan. We can’t get out of Montana unless you’re on your A game. Go relax.”

  She didn’t have the strength, or even the focus, to argue.

  Maybe it would be better to take a little nap and clear her head.

  Maybe sleep would be the one respite from her unending thoughts of Laz.

  She pulled off her apron and hung it by the door before heading out. As she went, she counted the steps and took deep, calming breaths. She’d get through this. Once she was home, she’d be back on point. And Laz would be back in San Francisco.

  She’d never see him again.

  The idea was supposed to soothe her, but it only sent her into a tailspin. She’d never felt as incredibly terrible as she did in that moment. It couldn’t get worse.

  Except it did.

  Halfway up the estate’s winding stairs, there he was.

  She stopped dead in her tracks, and so did he. For a long moment, they only stared until finally he broke the silence.

  “I thought you were at work right now,” he said, almost apologetically.

  So that’s why she hadn’t seen him? He was keeping tabs on her to avoid running into her? She couldn’t decide whether to be grateful or hurt.

  “I was supposed to, but I left early,” she choked out through her now bone-dry throat.

  “I see that.” There was an awkwardness between them, but there was something else, too. A sort of impenetrable thickness that clung to the air and bound them together like two ends of a magnet desperately trying to meet, but with something all too real standing between them. It was painful.

  “I overheard Rocky say something…sounded like you’re leaving the band?”

  He stared around, making sure the huge expanse was unpopulated before he continued, “Just taking some time off, is all.”

  Her heart beat so hard she could feel it in her temples. “Why?”

  Her most basic instinct was to cross the space between them and ease the sadness on his face. Make him feel better when he was so clearly in pain. But she wouldn’t. Instead, she backed away until they were both leaning against opposing banister posts. As far from reach as possible.

  “It’s complicated,” Laz said, finally.

  “Bullshit.” The words flew out before she could control them, but rather than look angry or surprised, he gave her the slightest flicker of a smile.

&nb
sp; “Not really,” he said. “It is complicated. And actually something I wanted to talk to you about. But not here. Can we go somewhere more private?”

  She wasn’t sure why she agreed. Probably because there was no stopping her. Maybe a part of her was hoping for a good-bye she could live with. Maybe she just wanted to save him from making the biggest mistake of his life. She couldn’t be with him, but that didn’t mean she wanted to watch him burn every good thing that had ever happened to him

  He was too good for that.

  He deserved every wonderful thing life could give him, whether or not she was there to share it.

  She followed him to his room, and he gestured for her to sit on the bed.

  “Laz, you can’t leave The Rift. They need you. You need them.” She said the words like she was trying to convince someone to defuse a bomb, but she didn’t care how desperate she sounded. He had to listen to her.

  He surveyed her for a long moment but never joined her on the mattress. Instead, he stood at the foot post, staring down at her through hooded eyes. “I wanted to do this differently. I had a plan with fireworks, but you needed time…” He sighed. “It doesn’t matter. Listen, Syd, I want to be with you.”

  His words rained on her like acid. Why was he dragging this out? “Laz, I—”

  He held up a hand and she silenced herself. “I want to be with you and I don’t care what it takes. I’m taking the rest of the summer off and skipping the tour because I want to give us some time to figure things out. Time to be with you and not have to trouble you with all the things that used to come with that. Time to hammer out what we could have together when there are no worries about who might crawl into my bed or follow me back to my tour bus. No long hours. No media. See how it goes. See if this is as real as it feels.

  “And if it’s as good as I think it’s going to be? We’ll make some decisions. Music will always be a part of me. But I have enough money to last a lifetime, and I don’t care about going back to playing local nightclubs until I die. Hell, I’ll play every two-cent honky-tonk in the Midwest if you’ll just agree to let me be with you. Let me take care of you and watch you cook and tease you until nobody remembers I was ever a celebrity.” With every word, he stared directly into her eyes, spearing her with the sincerity of his gaze.